This World of Miracles
by Maaya
Summary: Being scared is also very common for new mothers, the nurses tell her.


Hey guys! I needed another break from writing _Only One,_ which is emotionally _exhausting_ to write, and I'm just craving something mushy. By writing this I don't mean to disregard Ross' influence in his daughter's life; I meant it more as a Rachel character study following the proposal mess that took place. Comments are appreciated and welcome!

**This World of Miracles**

Apparently Rachel's uterus refuses to empty itself completely during the days following Emma's birth, so her obstetrician prescribes her pills that will induce post-natal contractions. The idea is not entirely pleasant (Rachel has already experienced enough contractions to last her a lifetime) but has to resign herself to her fate. Ross tells her that it is very common and nothing to worry about, so Rachel tells Ross that her hoping that he will choke on his own tongue is actually also very common and nothing to worry about.

He shuts up.

After a couple of days of being an official post-birth mother, Rachel's breasts are aching and her nipples are sore; it is enough to make her more than a little crabby. Only when Emma is in the room her frustration seems to melt away and her entire being focuses on the tiny miracle that is her baby girl. She could stare at her daughter's face for the rest of her life, she thinks. Emma has an amazing little nose and actual exquisite tiny fingers and toes, she Rachel finds it hard to understand how something so complicated has simply been _growing_ in her body for the past nine months.

Rachel knows beauty. She can instinctively see it, whether it is a piece of clothing, jewelry, or a person. She is drawn to it, always has been. She knows what shapes and cuts are attractive, she knows how to identify a person's best features and how to emphasize them. She has seen things that she had previously considered perfection, but it turns out she had been wrong because _nothing_ is more perfect than her baby girl.

It is terrifying.

Being scared is also very common for new mothers, the nurses tell her. She is lucky that Emma seems to instinctively know what is expected of her and takes to suckling on Rachel's breast like a professional. She is a bit cranky, however, something the nurses seem to chalk up to having a stomach ache from having swallowed some fetal fluid. How they can gather that from the general, undefined screaming, Rachel has no idea. She finds it stressful, more than anything.

This is her last day at the hospital. She has to get packed up and be prepared to leave at two in the afternoon when Ross will come by to help her back to the apartment. She knows that she has been lucky to have been allowed to stay for so long. It will be good to come home, never mind the lump that has been caught in her throat since this morning.

"Sorry for stealing your baby name," Rachel says remorsefully while she watches Monica make exaggerated faces to a somewhat sleepy Emma. Her friend has been using every opportunity to spend some time with her new goddaughter, stopping by in the mornings when she is working the dinner shift. Sometimes she drags Chandler with her and teaches her husband how to hold the baby properly, something that Rachel doesn't think she will ever get tired of seeing. How a man can manage to look so terrified and entranced at the same time, she has no idea.

"That is perfectly okay," Monica coos to Emma. "It suits you perfectly, doesn't it Emma?"

The little girl opens her mouth into a tiny yawn; Rachel watches, charmed, and suddenly feels the need to hold her in her own arms. Emma had eaten enough to look almost inebriated upon finishing, something Rachel has learned will lead to quite a runny mess later, but for the time being things seem to be okay. Besides, she likes it best when Emma is sated and sleepy like this, it makes her feel like she is doing _something _right.

Thankfully, Monica seems to sense her desire before she has to voice it, carefully settling the bundle in Rachel's arms. Rachel shifts her arms into the position she has found is most comfortable and smiles at her daughter. "Hey sweetie."

Emma blinks at her, pleased and sleepy.

The lump in Rachel's throat is probably going to suffocate her. She feels Monica rest a hand on her shoulder.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Rachel clears her throat and smiles. Her determination to keep her feelings under control fails her the moment she starts to speak, however. "I just feel so... happy, and lonely, and my body hurts, and I don't know what to _do_."

The bed dips as Monica sits on the edge, putting an arm around her shoulders to pull her into a one-armed hug. Rachel leans into it gratefully, her eyes still focused on Emma's face.

"If you think I'm going to let my niece out of sight for more than a few hours at a time, you're _so_ wrong," Monica says quietly into Rachel's hair. "And you know Ross is always going to be there. You know how difficult it is for him every time he has to say goodbye to Ben. You're going to _wish_ we would leave you alone, Rachel."

With her hands full, Rachel can only blink and hope that her teardrops will not fall into Emma's face. That would feel like the worst of omens. She tilts her head back, taking breath that is only somewhat unsteady as she wills herself to calm down. "I know. I'm just... emotional, I guess."

"You have a right to be." Monica's arm tightens around her, then lets go. "Look, she's sleeping."

Rachel sniffs as quietly as she can and smiles down at the bundle in her arms. She should put her back in her bed to sleep undisturbed, she knows, but it is hard to let go. Even Monica's kind words can't quite erase her fear of the future, but when her daughter is sweet and calm like this, everything does feel more alright.

She thinks about the mess with Ross. She thinks about the even more recent mess with Joey _and_ Ross. She thinks about Barry (and carefully avoids the subject of Paulo) and Joshua, and Tag. The men in her life never seem constant; it's humbling that the man that as remained most constant in her life is _Ross_, who she dated for such a very short period of time, but maybe she _has_ gotten by well enough on her own. In a way, everything good in her life began the moment she worked up the courage to leave a man behind.

She looks down at Emma, held safely in her arms, and finally feels her smile become steady. "We're going to be a team," she says, keeping her voice so low not even Monica will be able to hear. "Aren't we, Emma?"

Emma sleeps peacefully, unaware, but it still feels like a promise.


End file.
